she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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