Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
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sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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