Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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