Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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