Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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