i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
