Sponge bath it is.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
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