Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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