do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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