Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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