I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
