dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
