There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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