I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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