I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
