Got a toothbrush?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
