So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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