Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
