i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
