I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
