Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize