Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
