One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
