i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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