Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
