I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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