Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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