a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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