I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
