Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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