I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
