"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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