I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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