Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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