You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
