I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
