There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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