erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
