She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
