kristin has been a bad kristin
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
