the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm just crazy horny about you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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