i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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