yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
