Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
