I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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