I need help removing her.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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