I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
