I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
