I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
