Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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