I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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