nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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