i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
