Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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