I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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