Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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