dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Too much gin, very little bucket
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
