How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How drunk are you?
Completed.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
