"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
