yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
