She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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