it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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