K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
