You're completely useless in the revolution.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
