the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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