so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
