This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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