i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
