Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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