I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
