I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
