you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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