my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
