help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
