If that was your dad, he is hot
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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