She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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